The broken hearts of ADHD

My whole family has been struggling emotionally for years with the impact ADHD has had on our lives. First with my son's diagnosis in grade 5,  then my own diagnosis a year ago. For years I thought  the issue was anxiety. Anxiety meds never worked. A week in Vyvanse; I was a new woman and had my life back.

What breaks my heart is that my son is stuck in the storm of pain,  thoughts and emotions that only those with ADHD can fully understand. Every time I see an article that says adhd is not real absolutely drives me nuts. I would NEVER choose this for my son, EVER! To have ADHD be a myth would be the most incredible news ever. Nothing would be happier to be able to looks at my son and say... " good news...  " You do not have ADHD" ,, your just a brat - that would be so much easier.

But then what, how do I explain his struggles away. As parents we had to watch the daily breaking of a little boys heart, because as a boy he could never measure up to his teachers, society and expected development stages standards. How I and my husband have unintentionally and at time intentionally.. Broken his heart,,  cause we are desperately trying to teach him how he can have a wonderful life or what the real world is like and in the process we fail, yet again. That we desperately try to see past the "noise" of ADHD to the amazing heart that beats in the young man I call my son. Through all of this chaos, we all die a little inside and close off our hearts. Cause ADHD hurts. A lot.

At the end of our rope, we just don't know what to to do and where to turn for help. We  are desperate for help when things get to rough, we just can't do it,we don't know how to continue and we can't find the right help when we need. So the family shatters, like a perfect, clear frozen glass tossed on concrete. How do you begin to put all those tiny pieces back together?

I'll tell you how I think it will be put back together. One tiny, sharp fragment at a time. All of us will be cut and bleed in the process. It will be worth every scar finally have my son fight for himself in a healthy way and truly believe he is worth fighting for. That in a year my adult son will be that shattered glass, put together and it will be a kaleidoscope of radiance - cause he has never been a boring clear glass.

Being On and Off the Proverbial Ball preparing for Christmas!!

It's not that I have been "off" the ball - but I sure feel like I have been juggling a lot of them lately. The OCD part of me had everything nicely compartmentalized so the ADD part of me was is a state of relaxation and calm. House work, family, blogging, finances and maybe even some socializing.. each day had its 'To Do' lists and all was done and completed accordingly. I was able to stay focused and on track. All that has changed - thus my absence from blogging. The OCD part of me has been battling for supremacy of my ADD side,, and neither has really won out.

Since going back to work after Thanksgiving for a job that is quite fun but demanding, it has been difficult to relearn a new type of balance in my life. It has taken a while, but I think I am finally there-ish.  I am learning that I have to let go of some of my expectations, not all of them. I need to pick and choose what is important, what I can live without accomplishing and what I still need to do in order to keep my family and myself on track. Having a son with ADD and two university aged daughters at home makes that even more challenging. SO,, my lovely chore chart that I spent so much time making the first time, that "I'm going to equally balance my chores out through the week so my weekends were free" chart is now a loose goal. LOL

So I am wishing my readers a very Merry Christmas and A Wonderful New Year!! I am not going to make my New Years resolutions to unrealistic and long winded! My one "New Years" resolution focus is to get a monthly menu plan in place and corresponding grocery lists (OCD,, I know). I really want to be able to have a nice dinner on the table for my family in the evenings. I would really like for us to make eating dinner at the table again as a family a priority. We seem to have lost that in the last year.

Wishing you a very Merry Christmas

and

A Wonderful New Year!!

 

Best part of ADD? Hyper focus & hyper organization and I do love projects!!

Since being diagnosed 2 months ago with ADD and borderline OCD, so much of why I do things the way I do them makes so much sense. Would I change who I am? Definitely not. I just understand myself that much better.

 

So, since starting my new job, I needed to get things organized. So I devised a master plan ... a schedule of all the tasks I wanted to complete during the week so I could relax on the weekends. In order for this plan to be effective.. there were a few projects that I needed to get out of the way first and, as usual, a chain reaction of hyper organization and creativity followed - or as my husband refers to them as - Make work projects. lol

 

So in my own special way, the cookies/pantry/freezer/apples/applesauce/recipe book projects began in earnest....

 

My kids and hubby love home baked goods and I used to enjoy baking a lot more than I do know. So I wanted to make it easier to bake more often. So I gathered together all the dry ingredients and prepared chocolate chip & spicy dads cookie mix bags - which was highly effective - for the first 2 weeks.

 

 

Thanksgiving Dinner Party! Planning, Preparation & Purchases!!

I shared a few blogs ago about my purchases of dishes, décor and party favor items. The end result, though it took a while to get there, was awesome! Everything turned out great!!! I did a few extra things this time around. The latest craze at dinner parties is candy bars... I changed things up a bit and made a dessert bar! Candied apples for the kids, pumpkin pie, apple pie and 30 banana cream tarts.  

 

Part of the fun of planning a dinner party for me is more than just putting the food on the table and calling it a day. I thoroughly enjoy the reactions of others when they sit down to a dinner table that has taken time to prepare. The 'dinner party' has been lost somehow over time. My theory is paper plates & paper napkins have no business being present at a dinner party ;-) Paper plates are for camping and some outdoor BBQs. I do have a confession to make though,,



I had 23 people for dinner and was short 4 fabric napkins - I had to dig out some paper napkins (blush).  It won't happen again,, LOL I will have to buy more fabric napkins.

Some of the fun prep and purchasing to add to my dish collection was more white dinner plates, more chargers - which were all spray painted silver to match. I cut the little handles off of the party favor boxes and tied them closed with twine. Inside were white peppermints and silver wrapped Hershey kisses. The stickers were in my scrapbooking supplies.  I also purchased some silk fall leaves and spread them around the table. The end result was a simply decorated table that looked elegant,, I think anyways.
Last but not least for sure was purchasing my fabulous new ice bucket for wine, beer coolers,, etc.

 

I used my moms silverware for the first time in a while since she passed away in 2013. It was so wonderful to bits and pieces of her things placed around my dining table. Her silverware, the silver candelabra in the center of my table and the genuine crystal chandelier hanging above my dining table. My mother also loved to set out a pretty table. She had a hutch full of fantastic treasures!

I have 5 sisters and 5 brothers and we all have bits and pieces of things from our parents in our homes. I know they are just things, but sometimes seeing them floods back so many wonderful memories of the times we spent together. I know my mama would have loved my dinner party and so would have my dad!! And sometimes I feel like I am setting the table for her. To make her proud and to remember her smile and to remember my father's deep rumble of a laugh! So this Thanksgiving holiday I am thankful for the wonderful memories I have of my parents. They are so precious.

Some projects I have been working on....

I was requested by a cousin to put more photos of projects on my blog... so here it goes!!!

I like to 'veg' in front of the TV at night. More times than not you will find me working on baby blankets. Below are 3 that have yet to find a great niece or great nephew to snuggle up with.. but I have future homes in mind for them. I'm a little behind with some babies,  that are now toddlers.. Lol This one way that I calm the chaos in my mind.
 

Preparations for My Thanksgiving Dinner Party Have Begun,,

Up till few years ago, I used to love giving dinner parties and having lots of people over. As it became more and more difficult to cope with my anxiety, this much loved activity dropped off to only the major family holidays and even those became more of a chore than a joy. For the first time in a long time, I am looking forward to a house full of people, the planning, the preparing  - all for the most part anxiety free! Since diagnosis and starting medication I feel like I am getting to know ME all over again. Accepting my ADD and running with it,, LOL



In my own true style, that I am really beginning to embrace,  planning a great dinner party for me came with extensive research on Pinterest. I know, big mistake. So many options, so little time in my day. Oh my, I just spend an hour on Pinterest!  So many creative ideas all in one place! So the  'Dinner Party Board" (feel free to browse) on my Pinterest was born.

All I Went to the $ Store for was Flash Cards for my Daughter....

Daughter #3 is in her first year of university and needed some flash cards to help her with studying. As any good mom, I figured that I could run down to the $ Store for those. It's nice and close and will only take a few minutes.

To fully comprehend the rest of my tale,, you need to know a little about the previous run away thoughts in my head. LOL. I had spent several days on Pinterest looking at dinner party ideas. I had decided my dishes don't match and I am tired of my black chargers,, I needed a change.